Episode 52: All I Want for Christmas: Offbeat Christmas Media for the Quirky Holiday Hater
How’s everyone doing out there? If the answer is “Not so great” we feel you. The holiday season is a bit of a trudge for us too, and few things are more grating on the nerves than the inescapably repetitive songs and movies that play for weeks on end every single year. How many times can you listen to Jingle Bells without losing your mind? How many Santa themed movies can you watch before you start having nightmares about how exactly he sees you when you’re sleeping? And if you’re struggling with your mental health or your relationships this year then how much forced “holly jolly” can you take? Now, don’t get us wrong. We do wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year, but we also understand if that feels like a tall order, so we’ve put together a list of mostly offbeat Christmas movie and song recommendations to help you survive the rest of this holiday season. Thanks for listening and for your support this year. We’ll see you in 2024, and here’s hoping it’s a better year for all of us. To see our resources for this and all our other episodes Click here If you’d like to support us on Patreon you can find us at www.patreon.com/differentfunctional And don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast and leave us a rating and review.
AUTUMN
0:07
Welcome to the Different Functional Podcast, where we explore the triumphs and challenges of trauma, recovery and being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world. In today's episode, we're going to be looking at some holiday music and movies that are a bit more relatable for those of us who have emotions too complex for the traditional Christmas spirit.
I am Autumn, the older sister, and to start this episode out, Ivy and I are just going to nod our hats at the typical Christmas media out there, and we're going to let you know what our favorite Christmas carols are from the traditional world. And mine is going to be Baby, It's Cold Outside. And I know I've seen some debate in the social media about whether this is rapey or playful, but I've always seen this as more of a playful banter. And I also have a lot of positive memories of this, because my grandma really loved this song and Grandma was one of the safe, calm places during my childhood. And so it was nice having a fun little Christmas piece of music that I could listen to and enjoy in a safe environment. So I have positive memories of it.
IVY
1:23
I also have a lot of positive memories with that song, and it is also one of my favorite Christmas songs. I refuse to have everything that I've ever loved in the past ruined for me, because the morality or ethics of it is up for debate. Some things obviously have to be looked at again through a new lens. However, this song, to me it just sounds like a couple of people having a playful interaction. She's like relatively new in their relationship and kind of teasing each other, and I find it adorable. So I refuse to have the song ruined for me.
I am Ivy, the younger sister. And if we're going to talk traditional, I'm going to go super traditional here. So years ago, Jewel put out a Christmas album. She has two of them, but I'm talking about her first one, Joy, a Holiday Collection. And while there are lots of good songs on there - and I honestly I think it's the best Christmas album that has ever been made - there are two songs on there that are in Latin. Which I know sounds super fucking lame to most people, but I have very positive associations with it. Because singing was one of the few things that my mom and I actually did together, even during the years when our relationship was strained and she taught me how to sing operatically. And so she taught me how to sing in Latin and in Italian. And so these two songs, it really just warmed my heart and gave me chills, like goosebumps every time that I hear them.
And one of them is an absolutely gorgeous rendition of Ave Maria, and the other one is called Gloria. But even if I did not love Latin, I think I would still love these songs because they have this ethereal, calming, peaceful quality to them that just, I don't know, floods my soul with comfort just to hear. But even if you're not into Latin you should still check out that album, because she also does the only version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer that does not make me want to rip out my own throat and die. Most other versions of - When I hear them, I'm just like, oh my God, if I hear this one more time, one more time, I'm going to jump off a building. But now Jewel's version is kind of jazzy and fun, and she tosses in a little bit of yodeling. And don't discount that just because there's yodeling. Yodeling is cool. So just accept it. Listen to the album. It's worth it.
AUTUMN
3:42
Oh, I love yodeling. Whether it's Jewel or otherwise, I love yodeling, and I'm totally going to have to check out that album. Like, I didn't even realize she had made any Christmas albums, because honestly, I kind of steer away from a lot of Christmas music. I don't go looking for it, even if it's by artists I love. One) because I worked way too many years in retail, and it's a form of torture. Christmas carols become a form of torture when you work in retail. But the other piece of it is, though, that, you know, these songs that Ivy and I talked about, they have special meaning for us because of positive memories that we have. But for the most part, most of the Christmas music out there just really isn't relatable to us.
And if you are neurodivergent or you come from a trauma background, it's likely that a lot of the Christmas movies and the Christmas music also just isn't relatable to you. I know that Christmas and the holidays are marketed as this time, where humanity is all together and we're all happy and everything's great, and we have smiles on our faces and turkey on the table and everything's just peachy. But I don't know if I have ever, once in my entire life, considered myself to be just peachy. And I know for a fact that I have never in my entire life felt like I have belonged with the human race at all. And I definitely have a whole lot of issues with family. And so when it comes to all this traditional Christmas marketing, I feel like people like us, we just where do we fit with this?
IVY
5:20
I would say even for those people who have felt peachy from time to time. My reputation around here is to be the Debbie Downer. I would point out that peaches don't stay perfect for very long. It takes them forever to get to that that perfect ripeness. And then if you look away for two seconds, it's gone and it's all like mush and too soft and squishy and gross. So I think even for people who have those moments of peachiness, you might still find over the holidays that no matter how much you might love the holidays, if this is your time of year, you might still have these moments of kind of heaviness or loneliness or bad memories. So I would still say, even if you love the holiday season and you feel like you're in your element, you should still listen to this episode because there are some really good recommendations in here for media that's a little off the beaten track. It's just a good time for anybody and everybody.
AUTUMN
6:13
I would say most of it is a good time for anybody and everybody. There are a couple on the list which I might point out that that should probably come with some trigger warnings that we're going to be talking about today. But Ivy does make a good point.
You know, even if the holidays are your thing, it's really hard to maintain that merry, happy Christmas vibe for as long as we're expected to maintain it. And a lot of us just do have fairly complex emotions. And so the idea of being merry and it's just that simple, it's a bit beyond us.
So let's go ahead and dive into some of the songs and movies out there that might be a little bit more relatable for those of us that if you're like Ivy and I do have some emotions that, you know, range outside of Merry, all right. And the first one that we're going to talk about today is an adorable little animated movie. I absolutely love this one. I watched it a lot as a kid. So there is some definite, you know, nostalgia with it, but it's called A Wish for Wings That Work.
And now as we're going through the list today, I'm actually going to read just the brief synopsis that the internet provides, because when Ivy and I try to synopsize or book report on something, we tend to just go off into the weeds, or we're only explaining the one scene with the rabbit that only lasted two minutes in the whole film. So I'm going to read the little synopsis at the internet gave us, and then we'll go from there.
So this first movie, A Wish for Wings that Work: it is an animated movie, and it's about a penguin and a cat, randomly. So the internet says, when it comes to a Wish for Wings that Work: “Wrestling with an unfulfilled wish to soar through the air like any other self-respecting bird, the plucky penguin decides that there's only one person who can make his aeronautic dream come true: Father Christmas. And Bill the cat coughs up a wild idea that just may bring a holiday miracle. But when old Saint Nick finds himself in hot water on December 24th, the fate of Christmas suddenly depends on the kind of heroism that only comes in penguin sized package. Will Opus come to the rescue and learn the value of being true to oneself?”
Okay, I know that that sounds a little corny, and the movie is a little corny, because that is the whole point of this movie is coming to accept your uniqueness and not just accept it, but to see how your differences actually add to the world and can help other people out. And this seems like a really tall order for such a simple Christmas movie, but it does it wonderfully and it does it hilariously.
This is not your typical feel good, golly gosh, I'm glad we're all okay. There's cats coughing up hairballs, there's jokes about the penguins butt falling off - I don't know. I find the movie hilarious. I love the feel good plot, but I also love that the feel good plot was buried in enough humor and edginess that I didn't want to, you know, gag on the feel good plot.
IVY
9:08
And if you're a little bit older, you will probably recognize the characters in this animated film because it's Opus and Bill. And Opus and Bill was a comic strip for a while. So if you're a little bit older, maybe you'll remember Opus and Bill.
I really liked this animated film for lots of reasons, but one of them is that it can be just as entertaining to a child as it is to an adult. The humor is going to be completely different. What you take away from it will be completely different based on your age. We watched this for Christmas every single year when we were growing up, and as a child I did not understand pretty much any of the political humor. But there is a lot of humorous satire in there, and so it is just a good time for both kids and adults. So even it's got enough childlike wonder, but also enough adult cynicism to kind of, like Autumn said, not be cloying with the heartfelt story.
And honestly, I feel like this is kind of a, uh, more, maybe more of a contemporary adaptation of Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer because it has some very similar themes to it as Rudolph does, but is not - It's more offbeat, it's a little bit more eccentric, and it has a lot more humor, especially adult humor in it.
AUTUMN
10:33
It does have some adult humor. It's maybe safe for kids. I mean, I watched it, but I mean, when you look at what they let kids watch in the 90s, especially when you lived in a home full of a lot of neglect, then maybe it's not as kid friendly as I think it is looking back.
But I do think there's also a lot of hilarious lines in here. Like, I really, really recommend watching A Wish for Wings that Work with a partner or a friend or a sibling or somebody that you get along with. Because personally, I love inside jokes. It's one of my, you know, little things, how I connect with other people. And there's quite a few lines in here that I end up just blurting out, or my boyfriend blurts out every now and again. Like my favorite one, which you'll have to watch the movie to get it, but “an albatross!” Anyways, totally irrelevant unless you know it. But it is hilarious.
But even with all that hilarity aside, though, I really, really, really love that the plot of this, the core of this. Like I said, it's not super cloying, but it is that idea of being different and being proud of it and being accepted for it and being useful because of it. And I feel like for me, I won't speak for everybody, but for me, because I am autistic, I do have that trauma background. I have always felt different. I have always felt alien. And this feeling gets so much worse for me around Christmas time, because you have all of this pressure to conform to this neurotypical holiday ideal, and there is no way I could ever conform to that, even if I try. And so I end up feeling even more like a failure sometimes this time of year.
And so I love watching A Wish for Wings that Work, because then I realize, you know what? Yeah, I can't fly like the other birds. But I have my own unique talents, and these talents are awesome and amazing and necessary and beneficial to the people I love. And they can actually help support the community and the world. So it's not just I am different in that's okay, but it's I'm different and that's great because I add something to society by being different. And I love that idea as a neurodivergent person.
IVY
12:43
I will second everything that Autumn said there. Although I will admit that for me, when I watch this even now as an adult, a lot of it for me, I don't even think a whole lot about the deeper concepts of it, because I just want to have that pure escapism and just, I guess, let the humor in it to consume me, because there just are so many funny parts. Like Autumn said, you've got to watch any of the scenes where it's the support group for Flightless birds.
And honestly, it's not a long watch. The whole thing is like 22, 23 minutes long. It's not very long. But one of my favorite lines in it is “Don't suck a duck into your turbine.” If that doesn't make you want to watch it, I don't know what will.
My other favorite part of it - it makes me laugh every time, even though it’s so stupid - Throughout the movie Opus, the Penguin’s, butt keeps falling off and every time it falls off, it makes like this metal sound like a hubcap fell off. And it's just absolutely hilarious. Everything about this movie is absolutely hilarious. So even if you're not looking for a deeper meaning, even if you're not looking for a sense of belonging - and it does have all of those things that Autumn talked about like a celebration of differences. It is a movie that is just full of really obscure, oddball characters. Even with those deeper meanings there, I honestly mostly watch it for the fluff, for the humor, because it makes me laugh no matter how many times I watch it. And I have watched it so many times since I was a child. You would think that after all these years, something that's only 20 minutes long, all the humor would now be lost on me. But I laugh every time Opus’s butt falls off. I laugh every time they talk about Bill's brain being replaced with tater tots. You've got to watch it. If nothing else, this will fill you with giggles for the holidays and help you feel a little bit less heavy.
AUTUMN
14:35
That is true. I think that's one of the reasons this is such a great movie is because you do have the feel good if you want it, but you also have the light humor and the escapism. So I feel like A Wish for Wings that Work - recommend for so many reasons, and Ivy will be putting on the resources page for this episode where you can find these things. So that way if you type in A Wish for Wings that Work and it doesn't seem to have anything to do with lobotomized cats and penguins with metal buttons, you at least know what we're talking about and where to go so you can see it.
All right, so let's go ahead and move on to the next one on our list. And this is a movie called Mixed Nuts. And this is a live action film. And it actually had Steve Martin, Rita Wilson, Madeline Kahn, Juliette Lewis. If you're familiar with actors from the 90s, you've probably heard of a lot of these people.
So I'm going to read the little internet synopsis, and it say: “Phillip manages a suicide prevention hotline called lifesavers, assisted by Mrs. Mutchnick and Catherine. On Christmas Eve, Philip learns that their landlord is evicting them from their office. Amid all this unrest, Catherine proclaims her love for Philip, and when a transgender individual and a pregnant woman enter into the equation, things get even more interesting.”
Now, this is, I would say, a very zany movie. There's like a lot going on. There is the transgender woman, there is a pregnant woman, there's a person in a Santa Claus suit waving a gun around, there's a serial killer on the loose. This movie has so many, I would call it almost zany antics. But again, I think this one also has a really good feel good plot.
Like I am very much for the feel good plot, probably because I do feel so alien. I love movies that show me people more like me, and while I don't necessarily relate exactly to all of the characters in here, there are so many different unique characters with their own little hiccups and their own little weird things, and their own little hold ups and mental health issues. And every one of them is just they're just doing their best to get through the Christmas season.
And I think that, to me is the biggest message. At the very end of this movie, Steve Martin has a little monologue about how difficult the Christmas season is and how it's like a magnifying glass just showing you everything wrong with your life and how it can get so big. And I feel like that is so accurate, because when it comes to Christmas, we're supposed to be happy and we're supposed to be giving and we're supposed to be spending. But when you're struggling with happiness, when you're struggling, maybe with depression or grief, or when you don't have the finances or the resources necessary to be giving, you just feel like not enough. Like everybody's doing so much better than you are.
And I love Mixed Nuts because it does give you this little view of a whole bunch of different people and just shows you, yeah, it may look like the whole world is merry, but trust me, they're not. They've all got issues, they've all got their own individual problems. And I like that. I like knowing that I'm not the only one with some fucked up issues. It makes me feel good knowing that.
IVY
17:33
I think I should make most of us feel good knowing that. Now, I do have to point out, Autumn failed to mention the three actors in it that are actually my favorite parts of the movie. Madeline Kahn is in there, she’s Mrs. Mutchnick Adam Sandler is in there. And Liev Schreiber's in there. So those are my three favorite actors in that movie, and it is a very 90s movie.
So if you were, again, a little bit older, this will have so much nostalgia for you, even if you've never seen the movie itself, because there are just so many very 90s actors in it. There's even some cameos in there like Rob Reiner and Jon Stewart. So this would be a fun one for anybody who really is wanting to recapture some of that 90s nostalgia and kind of get back into that headspace again.
But in addition to everything that Autumn said, because I agree with all of her points there again, about some of the deeper meanings. One of the things that I love about this movie, as somebody who is painfully introverted and generally does not go outside of my comfort zone to interact with other humans that I do not know, one of the things I love most about this movie is that all of these oddball characters, for the most part, would not interact with each other under normal circumstances. They all get thrown together in this movie, and they go through a bunch of like crazy - could be construed as traumatic - things at some point, but they all just get thrown together and have to interact with each other, and they end up becoming friends. They've formed these really meaningful connections that they would never have been able to form if they literally had not been forced together by circumstance.
And as a painfully introverted person, the idea appeals to me that someday, even if it doesn't seem like it's great at the time, that someday I will form friendships with a bunch of oddballs like me because we get forced together by random circumstance. That's kind of like on my wish list for things to happen in my life. That I'll just meet a bunch of cool people at once that I wouldn't normally meet. But some crazy shit forces us together on this one day, and then we all form super meaningful relationships. I feel like that's my favorite takeaway from the movie. That's where the hope is for me is that, uh, maybe someday, maybe someday I'll just get forced together with a bunch of other cool people I wouldn't have the courage to talk to you otherwise.
AUTUMN
19:56
I feel like that is a very good piece of hope for that movie. I too also have that hope. When I'm looking for the escapism in that in this movie, that's what I look for, is that kind of daydream of getting stuck with a whole bunch of random people and forming those friendships.
And one of the other things I love about that is, like you said, they are very different characters, but I also love how accepting they really become of each other. There's one scene in there where two of the ladies they're talking about what they really hope for Christmas, and one of them is just all about love. And she just really wants to find love for Christmas. And the other is just about money because she grew up very, very poor. She got like half a pair of socks for Christmas every year. And that's all she wants for her new baby because she's pregnant at the time, is just to have money so that she can help her kid out. And neither of them looks at each other as though they're ridiculous for wanting money or for wanting love. They just acknowledge that that's what the other person needs, and that's where the other person is at. And I love that level of acceptance in.
IVY
20:56
On that note, I want to point out one other interaction to further illustrate what I was talking about. There's another point in the movie where Adam Sandler's character and Liev Schreiber’s character are alone together. Liev Schreiber place the transgender woman, and Adam Sandler plays this very mild mannered dude who just lives in the same building as the folks who operate the crisis hotline, and he writes t-shirts for a living, and he plays the ukulele. And the two of them end up in the same room together and Liev Schreiber ‘s character had got hit in the face with a fruitcake, and nose is bleeding. And so Adam Sandler's character writes this song on his ukulele, and it's a dorky little song. But I love that interaction because both of them are just kind of almost giddy to have found each other and be interacting with each other, because they are such oddball characters, and both of them are so accepting of each other that it's like there's no questions about anything. It's like, why do you write t-shirts for a living? Why are you transgender? Like, none of that comes up. They're just like sitting there on the couch. And Adam Sandler’s writing this dorky little song just in the moment for Liev Schreiber’s character, because he's been hit in the face with a fruitcake. That's one of my favorite interactions of the movie.
And I think it further illustrates what Autumn was talking about with all these characters just being very accepting of each other because they are so oddball. They don't end up questioning a whole lot about each other because normal would be weird, and that that is one of the pieces I absolutely love, is just that we all have our own struggles and it's all okay.
AUTUMN
22:28
And again, I really recommend that movie. If nothing else, just find the scene with Steve Martin at the end about his little monologue where he's talking the guy down off the ledge and love that piece. But again, the whole movie from start to finish love that movie.
Okay, so the next item on our list, and this is one that maybe should come with a trigger warning. It may not be for everybody, but I really wanted this one on the list. And this is actually a full out album. So this is - we're going to music now and this is a full album and it is by Sixx: A.M.. And it is called The Heroin Diaries.
Now, as you can imagine, this has to do with drug addiction. So I'm going to read the little synopsis that the internet provided. “The story begins with the reasons for Sixx starting his diary, followed by his first abstinence from heroin, his relapse and mental and physical decline, his near fatal overdose and out-of-body experience, and finally his emotional recovery, which eventually led to long term sobriety”.
So now you can see where we took a little bit of a hard turn here, and we've lost some of that feel good and that humor, and we've smacked right into some very hard core, deep, complex, troubling emotions. But like I said, I really wanted this one on the list because especially those first few years that I had gotten out of the traumatic household during my early 20s, the holiday seasons were extremely hard for me, and I was filled with so much pain and so much hurt and so much grief, and the presence of all of the happy people made me feel so much more alone in all of this. And I couldn't bear it. I couldn't deal with it.
And I actually ended up listening to this album because of the very first song on here, which is titled Christmas in Hell. And so I'm just going to read a few of the lyrics. It's a really short, just kind of introduction piece, but it'll give you an idea for this album. It starts out”
“Merry Christmas. Well, that's what people say at Christmas, right? Except for normally they have someone to say it to. They have friends and family, and they haven't been crouched naked under a Christmas tree with a needle in their arm, like an insane person in a mansion in Van Nuys. They're not out of their minds. They're not writing in a diary, and they're definitely not watching their holiday spirit coagulate in a spoon. I didn't speak to a single person today. I thought, why should I ruin their fucking Christmas?”
And I know that sounds so harsh, but when I was coming out of that, that's what I needed. I needed to know I was not the only one dealing with dark, dirty issues that society didn't want to talk about. I wasn't the only person thinking about taking my life. I wasn't the only person struggling so hard. And while I wasn't struggling specifically with an addiction, I was struggling with a lot of mental health issues, and I was having a really, really hard time. And I loved this album because it did deal with those really, really hard concepts. And then it talked about starting to get better a little bit, but then how it gets worse. But there was eventually, with the end of this album, that kind of idea of hope that there was a light at the end of that tunnel.
And so I really wanted this Sixx: A.M. album on this list for that reason. Because for those of you out there that are struggling hardcore and you really need to know that you're not alone with the amount and depth of pain that you're in, but also to know that there is hope that other people who have been through shit just as ugly have fought this fight and have made it through. And that, to me, was exactly what I needed this holiday season back in my 20s when I first heard this album.
IVY
26:14
I honestly am not going to try to add anything to what Autumn talked about here. I've not listened to this album personally. There was a time in my life when I totally would have, when I really turned to music for catharsis a lot. So at that point in my life, I probably would have listened to that album. I am in a different space currently in my life where I cannot handle most sad things.
So I don't really have much to contribute to this except to say that whatever media you take in this year to help you get through the holiday season, do what you need to do for you, because there will be years when you need fluffy escapism, and then there may be years where you need this kind of deep, painful, sad catharsis. And then there may even be years where you need to feel angry and aggressive in order to get through this holiday season.
So I'm just going to say here that even though I've never listened to this album, it was obviously something Autumn very much needed at that time in her life. And I have my own versions of that too. Very sad and deeply painful, cathartic songs that I have listened to in other holiday seasons, and just in other times of my life as well. And there is nothing wrong with any of these options. That's the entire point of the list that we're making today, is to help you find something that meets you, where you're at in your journey, and helps you survive the holiday season. Whether that's fluff and fun or deep catharsis. Or just frustration and aggressiveness. Whatever it is, wherever you're in on your journey, we are hoping that you will find at least one thing on this list that is for you this year.
AUTUMN
27:58
Which is exactly why I did want to add this, because, like Ivy, I don't think I would listen to this album again, at least not in its entirety, and not a lot of those very painful songs, because I've, I've been through that now. I've done that catharsis. And so that's not where I'm at this year. But if it is where you're at this year, maybe that album can help.
Now, if you do feel a little bit more melancholy around the holiday season, a little bit more regretful and a little bit more sad, but not quite that extreme. I have another album I'm going to recommend for you, and it's called On a Winter's Night, and this is actually a compilation of a bunch of various artists.
I really couldn't find a synopsis out there for this particular album because it is so niche and it is so old, but I would say the overall feel of this album is kind of a looking back, melancholy. There is a song on there called Winter Wind by Patty Larkin, and I'll read a couple of the lyrics out of this, because I feel like this is the overall feel of that album. And so here it is:
“When the winter wind blows cold upon my window. And the mood I'm in is darker than the deep blue sea. I'm remembering some time that we had long ago. Seems of you and me. Long before the winter wind.”
And I feel like that's kind of that whole feeling of the On a Winter's Night album is the somewhat lonely, somewhat melancholy, somewhat looking back nostalgia, a little bit of regret, a little bit of sadness. There's a lot that goes with it, but it's not as heavy to me. For me, this album was more releasing, like it gave me permission to not be super happy. To be thinking about people I had lost and that I had loved and that were no longer with me. That's what this album felt like. It was permission to not be as merry as the rest of the world was wanting me to be at Christmas.
IVY
29:47
You know it’s almost interesting t me, Autumn, that that was your kind of takeaway from this album, because this is an album we both listened to a lot when we were kids, because it was a favorite of our of our moms, and mom had very eclectic tastes in music, and so I have a deep fondness for this album as well. But for me, even though there are some songs in there definitely that have that, uh, kind of regretful longing for the past, that kind of mellow sadness to them. There are also some songs in there that are hopeful, and those were the songs that I was drawn to when I was growing up. Because there is for all of the sad melancholy in this album, there are also songs that are very hopeful that are looking towards the future.
One of the ones that I absolutely fell in love with, and it really impacted my concept of what it is to be in love. It's called Rising in Love, and the entire concept of that song is like, people always talk about falling in love, but what if we viewed it as rising in love instead? That love is something that elevates you, that inspires you, that brings you joy, that brings you comfort. What if we saw it as rising in love together, almost as though we're taking flight? And that song always really stuck with me because it shifted my perspective of what it was to be in love and what being in love should feel like. Yes, there are hardships and all of that, but ideally you want something that helps you feel uplifted, that gives you hope, that makes you want to grow with this other person that that you are in the relationship with.
And there's some other songs in there that are also about kind of looking to the future and looking for hope. And one of them is called Let Me Fall in Love before the Spring comes. There is sadness in that song, but there is also this wish, this prayer, this – call it a Christmas wish, if you will like. Even though my heart is hurting right now, please let me find love before the spring comes so that I can experience spring with somebody who is meaningful to me. And like there's lots of songs on this album that while they may still be tinged with sadness, they also do still focus on hope. Looking to the future, finding the bright spots in the darkness.
And some of them are also about making peace with the circumstances that you're in. I mean the main song that I remember from this album, and probably Autumn remembers from this album too, is called The Kind of Love You Never Recover From. And that was one of our mom's favorite songs. And it's about these two people who fell in love, and then they went their separate ways. They both remarried, but this time of year they always think about each other and it's like, well, there's these what ifs. What if we had chosen to be together? But both of them also recognize that there is meaning in their lives now and that they have companionship with their current partners as well, and that there's nothing wrong with looking back wistfully and wondering, what if. It doesn't detract away necessarily, from the meaningful relationships and the life that you have built now.
So this album is very much in my mind, a mixed bag, and it kind of covers this large gamut of complex feelings and kind of the complex human experience and the sorts of emotions that I think we tend to feel during those winter months, because the winter months are very introspective. And while we do have the distractions of the holidays, but after the holidays, there's just a lot of silence and quiet and time to introspect in. The days are still short and they're still cold. And you know, those nights are still long and dark.
AUTUMN
33:29
I can definitely see that. I can see the hopeful pieces of it. I guess for me, melancholy and hope kind of go hand in hand. I know that sounds kind of weird. But for me, I've always seen as though I can't really have one emotion unless I have the other end of that spectrum to some degree as well. And so when I do have that melancholy, there is that indication that at some time there was a presence of happiness, or some time there might be happiness again.
But I definitely agree with Ivy, it is a mixed bag and it is a lot of songs that are very reflective and that really do deal with a lot of those more subtle, complex emotions that I feel like get overlooked during the holiday season because we're trying to make everything fit inside these pretty little packages and simplify it all down to bows and ribbons and stars and snowflakes. And for a lot of us, our emotions just aren't that simple. We do need something a little bit more complex, and so I feel like this album really does hit that piece. So if you do have those really serious, complex emotions and it's just this mixed bag, then maybe check out a Winter's Night album, see if there's a couple songs on there that you might relate to.
So let's go ahead and move on to the next piece of media on our list. And we're going to flip back to some movies here. And this movie is called Scrooged, and it actually came out back in the late 80s. And it has Bill Murray in there. So the internet synopsis:
“In this modern take on Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, Frank Cross, a wildly successful television executive whose cold ambition and curmudgeonly nature has driven away the love of his life. But after firing a staff member on Christmas Eve, Frank is visited by a series of ghosts who give him a chance to re-evaluate his actions and right the wrongs of his past.”
And so if you know anything about Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol, which I feel like if you grew up in the US and were exposed to Christmas at all, you've heard of this. You know you've got Scrooge, who is all bah humbug, and I don't like Christmas, and I'll fire you when I please. And all concerned with money. And then he gets visited by three ghosts: the Ghost of Christmas present, past and future. And he gets taken on this wild ride that helps him find his heart and the spirit of Christmas. And that is a very traditional story, I will admit it, but I love the way that Scrooged did it.
And if you know Bill Murray at all, especially if you're a fan of Bill Murray, you can just imagine how he plays this. And it is amazing. And it is humorous and it is lighthearted. And it takes this very traditional holiday concept and to me just makes it, I guess, a little bit edgier, a little bit more relatable, a little bit more traumatic in some ways. But it also, to me, makes it a lot more real.
IVY
36:21
I also really love this particular take on A Christmas Carol, and I have watched lots of different movies that are variations on this story because for whatever reason, I have a fondness for the theme of this story. But Scrooged is probably my second favorite version. My favorite is Muppet Christmas Carol, which that's a cult classic as well, so you should check that one out too. But Scrooged is my second favorite one because it is very kind of crude and raucous humor, which I really like.
My favorite character in this movie, Carol Kane, plays the Ghost of Christmas present. And she looks kind of like a fairy, and she's adorable. And she's got that cute little voice that Carol Kane has, but she smacks the living crap out of him all the time. Like any chance that she can get to, like, smack him with a frying pan or they'll fly somewhere and she'll just have him, like, drop from the ceiling and slam into the floor. She's not gentle with him at all, and I kind of love their dynamic with each other, because it's very much a I won't even call it a love hate relationship. You can tell that they don't like each other at all, but the dynamic that the two of them have is fucking hilarious.
This entire movie is very much A Christmas Carol for adults. I would not suggest letting children watch this, although I watched it a lot as a child, although I would not necessarily recommend it if you've got little ones about. I would wait until they've gone to bed and watch it, but it is an absolutely hilarious version of the Christmas Carol story. Bill Murray is absolutely brilliant and I can't really say enough good about this movie. It is about as funny as you could possibly get in a Christmas movie. It's probably the funniest Christmas that I have ever seen.
AUTUMN
38:05
It is. It is really, really hilarious, and I feel like it does give us some of those important lessons that the traditional Christmas carol gives us as well, of that idea that it's never too late to make changes. And I kind of got that as a kid. Like Ivy, I was mostly just laughing at it and found it funny as a kid. But as I've become an adult and I've seen this movie and I'm thinking back on it, one of the things I love about it is that the modern take on it does make it a lot more relatable, and I feel like there are a lot of us out there that were on a healing journey or were just trying to adult, and we're trying to get by and we've made this life for ourselves. And maybe it's one we thought we really, really wanted and it's what was going to make us happy. And we're realizing that it didn't, but we feel stuck in it because we've done all this work to get here, and we can't just change and we can't just be a different person now because there's so many people dependent on us, and we feel so much regret about the things we lost and the opportunities we lost and the things we may have done to get ourselves here. But that's one of the things I love about this movie, especially now as an adult, is it really reminds us that we're not stuck in those places.
So yes, Bill Murray's character is most definitely an asshole, but I do think part of what's going on underneath that and maybe I’m reading a little bit too much into it, is that he does feel like because he's made all these sacrifices, this is just who he has to be now. And all of the smacking around by the fairies and the ghosts helps him to realize that he's still alive, which means he can become whoever he wants to be. If he ended a relationship, maybe he can make changes and reach back out to that person and have some sort of connection again. And so I do like that about Scrooged as well. It is hilarious. But I do feel, especially as an adult, that there are some more meaningful underlying ideas to it as well.
IVY
39:50
Yeah. And I want to add just one more noter here, and this does not just apply to this variation of A Christmas Carol. I think it pops up quite a bit and a lot of the variations, because I think it was very much present in the original book, although I've not read it. But one of the takeaways that I get from this story in general as an adult now, is that Scrooge became who he was because of trauma that he experienced as a child, and he let that trauma harden him, and he became kind of this selfish bastard as a result.
But the reason why I noticed this more now as an adult is that as somebody who did go through a lot of trauma and a lot of abuse and everything when I was growing up, there was a part of me for a lot of years that felt like the only way that I could conquer that and overcome that is if I hardened myself, if I became like a soldier and I just powered through and I did not let myself be vulnerable or be soft, or be receptive to connecting with other people in any way.
And so while when I was a child, I looked at Scrooge as just being a bad guy who goes through these experiences with these ghosts and becomes a good guy suddenly. For me now as an adult, as somebody who went through the wringer as a child, in some ways did become very hardened as an adult, and am now finally in a space in my life, after years of therapy and a lot of personal epiphanies and a lot of hard work on myself - Granted, it didn't happen overnight for me the way that it did with Ebenezer Scrooge, but I do take a lot of hope from this story because it's not too late to change.
It's not too late to let yourself be vulnerable, to connect with other people. You don't have to keep everybody at arm's length. You don't have to just always be looking out for yourself. You don't always have to be completely self-sufficient and cut off for everybody around you. And you don't have to be an asshole to get by in life.
And so for me, that message is especially meaningful this year because of the growth that I have gone through in my own life over these last few years through therapy. In some ways, I feel a little bit like Ebenezer Scrooge. I'm coming out on the other side of that softness. Didn't go through it overnight. But I have, I guess, had my own variations of my ghosts of Christmas past, present and future, mostly in the form of my therapist who has helped me get to the other side of this and see that, yeah, it's never too late to change.
And so even if you don't watch this version of the story of The Christmas Carol, if you're in any sort of similar space as I am, or if you're needing that reminder that just because you've been through some things and life can be hard, that doesn't mean you have to be hard too. I think any variation of The Christmas Carol would be a good one to watch, but if you're looking for some laughs and some more modern day relatability, you can't get any better than Scrooge.
It definitely is less serious of a story, still has all those great meanings, but much more in light hearted and will give you an opportunity to laugh as well. And I'm telling you, laughter really is the best medicine because it's through laughter and humor that I have allowed myself to become a little softer and more receptive to making changes and connecting with others.
AUTUMN
43:15
I laugh a little bit because you talk about, you know, you've had your ghosts of Christmas past, present and future, mostly through therapy. And I'm like, I probably should have paid for therapy because I feel like mostly my ghosts have just been the universe hitting me in the face with a toaster repeatedly until I learned my lessons. Therapy might have been a cheaper option to having the universe repeatedly hit me in the face, but either way, very relatable for me the Scrooged movie.
So what if you are just instead this holiday season needing a little bit of escapism, needing a little bit of childhood innocence, needing just a little bit of quiet and peace and magic sparkles that we all want around the holidays, but that can sometimes be very, very hard to find. Well, if that's what you think you're needing this holiday season, then this next movie on our list might be for you. It is called The Snowman, and this is an old movie, and I say it's old because it came out the same year I was born in 82, so it's 40 years. And it's based on a book that was written in 1978. The whole thing has no words. It's just this really nice music. And let me read the synopsis here.
“After a boy makes a snowman on Christmas Eve, it comes to life to take him on an adventure to the North Pole to meet Santa Claus.”
And yes, it is that cute. And it is that simple. And honestly, as I was watching this because I rewatched it so I could remember it at all to talk about for this episode, it really reminded me a lot of some of the Studio Ghibli movies I've watched. Studio Ghibli, Studio Ghibli. I never know how to pronounce it. But it reminds me of some of those movies because it really pulls you in. Something about the animation, which looks a lot like the old kids’ books illustrations, how they used to look. That's what the entire animation is like. But something with that animation and the story and the music, for me, it just sucked me in completely and it was just 20 minutes of pure escapism.
But I will add this caveat on here, though, if you are looking simply for escapism and childlike wonder and a little bit of magic this season, do not watch the very last minute of this movie because the snowman melts and that's really depressing. So don't watch that part. So if you end up pulling it up on YouTube, stop at 23 minutes and 45 seconds and then there will just be a magical adventure. And it's great. Just going to throw that out there for people like me that get really upset when things die.
IVY
45:44
This is another one of these ones that I think all of us kids in the family watched every single year. And I'm going to give a particular shout out to our older brother here, because I distinctly remember watching this movie with him once, and I know he absolutely loves this movie. And he and I did not get to not get along super great when we were kids. But this is one of the most positive memories that I have with him is watching this movie and him just talking about how much he loved it.
And for those of you who are David Bowie fans, David Bowie does the introduction for this movie before they go into the animation. So if you enjoy David Bowie, that's a nice little perk of this as well.
I love this movie because it is just peaceful because there's no dialogue. I don't know something about that and the music that they chose with it and that, like Autumn said, like the illustration style of those old children's books, there's just something so peaceful about it, like almost being caught up in one of those old children's books. Like, you feel like you're part of it because there's just no pressure, there's no dialogue, there's really nothing for you to process other than the visuals and the music. And so for me, it is something that can almost be like a mindfulness practice in some ways. You can just kind of sink into this and lose yourself in it, and it just feels safe and warm and wonderful.
There's also another movie that is similar to it that came out several years later. It came out in 1998. It was called The Bear. Very similar vibes. It also has that kind of style of illustration. It is only music and the storyline is very sweet. There's a little girl that goes to the zoo with her parents and she drops her bear, like her little stuffed bear, in the polar bear enclosure. And then the polar bear comes that night to return her stuffed animal to her. And then the rest of the storyline has, like, there's some magic to it as well. And bear takes her on an adventure. But it also has some vibes of like, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, because when the bear comes to return her stuffed animal, she tries to keep the bear in the house with her and chaos ensues. But it's really, really cute. Unless you know you're going to be offended by a little girl trying to clean a polar bear poop from inside from inside her house.
But overall this is just a really sweet movie similar to the snowman. Just escapism for the sake of escapism and just feeling peace and comfort and not really having to put a whole lot of mental effort into a storyline. It's also really short as well. It's only about 30 minutes, but both of these I feel are really, really great if you just need to feel some fucking peace this year.
AUTUMN
48:32
They are really, really peaceful and they are great for escapism. And for me, I really liked that feeling of magic because I've always heard people talk about their childhood and the way children see the world and things along those lines, and I feel like because some of the things that I went through, that got erased really young in me. And so I do have a little bit of grief over having missed out on that. And when I'm watching The Snowman for that 23 minutes and 45 seconds, because I don't watch past that, I do feel like for just a second I am in that place. And so my inner child loves this. My inner child loves being allowed to have the wonder and magic and childlike innocence that the snowman brings.
Now let's take a hard turn away from childlike innocence and step back into adulthood and specifically dealing with our family as adults. And so the next item on our list is a song. It's not a whole album, it's just a single song. And it's called The Season Is Upon Us by Dropkick Murphy. And I actually never heard of this, but my boyfriend recommended it when we were making up this list and Ivy and I listened to it and we're like, yeah, okay, this should probably be on here.
Because one of the things that society really seems to want to hammer into your brain around the Christmas holiday season is that family is everything, and family is wonderful, and family is calm and peaceful and loving and so many things that for many of us are just not a reality at all. And so this song is kind of amusing. It's a little bit more of that dark humor, I would call it. So it might be a little bit offensive to some people. I'll read a little bit of the lyrics here.
“My mom likes to cook, push our buttons and prod. My brother just brought home another big broad. The eyes rolling whispers come love from the kitchen. I'd come home more often if they'd only quit bitching. Dad, on the other hand, is a selfish old sod. Drinks whiskey alone with my miserable dog who won't run off fetch. Sure, he couldn't care less. He defiled my teddy bear and left me the mess.”
So you can see this is a little bit more of the dark humor, but it's kind of nice when you do come from a dysfunctional family, or maybe even if you just come from a functional family, but it's just a little too much around the holiday season. This is a fun song to listen to, so you know you're not the only one that's struggling with family this time of year.
IVY
50:56
Autumn's boyfriend, Jake actually sent me this song I think it was 2 or 3 Christmases ago. I was having a rough time. I was having a really rough time, and he sent it to me. A few days before Christmas, I was at the gym when I got it, and like the whole energy of it, the frustration, the drunken Irishness of it, like all of that, was such good motivation at the gym. I will probably bring that back this year, sticking on my workout playlist for the month of December.
Even though I'm not having a hard time this year. Cross my fingers, knock on wood that nothing changes on that front. But even though I'm cool with Christmas this year, I still really enjoy this song because it is nice to be reminded that, well, the commercials and the media would have you believe that all these families are just hunky dory and so enjoying spending Christmas together. There's plenty of people out there like us who fucking just don't like our families very much. We don't want to be around them. We don't want to be around their chaos. The last thing we want to do is go to their house for Christmas, and there's nothing wrong with that.
I enjoy the dark humor in this song. I enjoy that it still makes me feel upbeat and happy, even though the content of it is pretty dark and miserable.
AUTUMN
52:10
It is definitely a dark humor song for sure. Now, if you are struggling with your family, but that one's a little bit too dark for you, then maybe this next recommendation might be more up your alley. And this one is a movie, and it's called Four Christmases. And this was actually a little bit more recent. I think it came out back in like 2008. It has Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon in it. And the internet synopsis says:
“When their plans for an exotic vacation fall apart on Christmas, married couple Brad and Kate must spend Christmas Day trudging around to a quartet of family get togethers.”
So basically with this movie, this couple, they both have parents, obviously, and the parents are divorced, and every year they avoid Christmas because their family is just too much stress, too much trauma, too much drama. But circumstances happen where they get sucked in and they now have to have four Christmases one with the mom, one with the dad, one with the other mom, one with the other dad.
And usually I'm not really into romcoms, but I actually enjoyed this one quite a bit. Now, if you are into romcoms, this movie is probably going to be right up your alley because it does have that whole rom com vibe. And there is the Vince Vaughn humor and the Reese Witherspoon humor in there. But for me, I actually ended up liking it because of some of the underlying messages.
Like, I don't know if they were intending to get so deep with it, but I really, really liked it, because when you see each of the four Christmases that they go to and they go into the home, you see these different kinds of trauma and invalidation that happened. So with the main male character, his dad was very, very emotionally reserved. I would call him downright verbally abusive, encouraged the kids to be physically abusive to one another. The mom is just probably a little bit of a space cadet, ends up marrying Vince Vaughn’s best friend. So you know, that's a little bit awkward there. And then on the other end, with the female character, her mom is, well, they call her a cougar, and she's very, like, reeowr. And there's not a lot of boundaries in that family. But then you see her dad, who is hinted at that he was very much absent through all of this, but then he's trying to work to make amends and make things better.
And I really love this movie, because you do get to see all these different kinds of trauma and how they affect us in adulthood and how we can, for a lot of us, just try to cut ourselves off from it and pretend it didn't happen and pretend to be different people. But at some point, we do have to come face to face with the mess that our parents and our families ended up leaving us. And this is what that movie is really about.
But I also do love that they tie in those ideas of healing, that there is potential. That yes, you did come from a dysfunctional, fucked up family that fucked you up, but that may not be forever. It's possible that people can heal and know you'll never be the perfect family, but maybe you can find some ways to get along and find some love and find some connection.
Now, Ivy has never actually seen this movie, so she's not going to be able to chime in on that one. You're just going to have to take my word for it that it's a good movie. But this next movie on the list I'm going to let Ivy talk about, because I've never actually seen this one. And this is a movie called Love Actually. And this is also a little bit more recent in that it came out back in 2003. The internet synopsis says:
“Nine intertwined stories examine the complexities of the one emotion that connects us all: love. Among the characters explored are David, the handsome, newly elected British prime minister who falls for a young junior staffer. Sarah, a graphic designer whose devotion to her mentally ill brother complicates her love life. And Harry, a married man tempted by his attractive new secretary.”
And I'm going to turn this over to Ivy since she knows all about this movie.
IVY
56:01
I have a particular fondness for this movie because it is my adoptive dad's favorite movie of all time, and so I do have some personal investment and feels wrapped up in it. But I think he loves it for the same reason why I love it. He is probably the most sentimental man that I have ever known, and the entire theme of this movie really is, like the synopsis said, dealing with the complexity of what it means to love.
And they really come at it from all different angles. There's really fluffy love stories. There are stories where there's an obstacle in the way of people being together. There's stories that are just completely superficial, and they're really more about lust than they are love and the confusion that we feel between lust and love and which is which. There are stories of love that his maybe run its course or has gone stale and so you have temptation coming up. There's even a story in there about a man who has just lost his wife not long ago, and now he's a single father, and he's having to deal with the grief of losing her around the holidays. So like, there's just all of these different approaches to the concept of love.
And the reason why I value this movie so much for the holidays is because it does show that there is more than one form of love. And we kind of get it in our head that love is supposed to look a certain way, or that there's like these specific cookie cutters that love can fit and there's like romantic love and there's like love for your family and there's purely platonic love, and everything is wonderful, and it should look good and be easy all the time. And that's just not how it is.
Sometimes love is easy, sometimes it is. And there are some stories in this movie where it is pretty easy and it's just cute and sweet and fluffy and escapism. But then there's also these stories in here that are just very real concepts. We do deal with loss. We do experience relationships where we're with the same person for years and years and years, and while we love them based on that history that we have with them, maybe we're not as drawn to them or as attached to them as we used to be. And like, how do you deal with those complicated emotions? These are all stories that really do show us the complexity that's wrapped up in this emotion of love. It doesn't just look one particular way. It's not always happy and wonderful and easy, but it's also not always hard and and difficult and painful.
Love is so much bigger. It's so much more than that. It does explore just how big and expansive love is. And it reminds us that even if our story doesn't look perfect, we're not alone in that. There is plenty of people whose story does not look perfect, and sometimes it is nice to have a reminder that love doesn't have to look just one way. It can look like any number of things. And it can change and evolve over time. And it may be, even if you're not in the best of spaces this year and you feel lonely, or you feel like you're not where you want to be in terms of your relationships, that doesn't mean that that can't change. And that's what I really value and enjoy about this movie, is it shows the complexity of love and the ebbs and flows of it all. And it shows that some years are great years and some years are kind of rough years, but everything in life is kind of up and down. And even if you're down right now, things will come back up for you in the future.
AUTUMN
59:19
And I could see how this would be a really great movie for this time of year as well, because Christmas can really put that magnifying glass on a relationship and add all that stress, and then it starts making us question if we're even doing love or relationships right. This time of year can also make us just feel lonely overall. And if you are feeling lonely overall this year, the next movie on our list, which is also a rom com - last rom com, I promise for those of you out there that are rom com haters - is While You Were Sleeping. And this movie came out back in the mid 90s. It's got Sandra Bullock and Bill Pullman in it. Internet synopsis says:
“Lonely transit worker Lucy pulls her long time crush, Peter, from the path of an oncoming train. At the hospital, doctors report that he's in a coma, and a misplaced comment from Lucy causes Peter's family to assume that she is his fiancé. When Lucy doesn't correct them, they take her into their home and confidence. Things get even more complicated when she finds herself falling for Peter's sheepish brother, Jack.”
And so there are definitely some of those 90s romcom zany, antic kind of feel to this. But overall, I feel like this movie is - it's really sweet. And it's not even - for me - it wasn't even so much the relationship that she was having with this comatose dude's brother. It wasn't that relationship. It was the relationship she found with the family because they were so sweet and so accepting and so supportive. And so when they found out that she was this guy's fiancé, or they thought she was this guy's fiancée, they just stepped up to the plate and they invited her to dinner, and they did all this really nice stuff for her. And of course, she honestly feels really bad throughout this because she's lying and she's trying to find a way to tell them without hurting them, because they're relying on her a lot during this time, because they're struggling with the fact that their son's in a coma.
But I like that idea of just that possibility of finding a sweet, loving family that would accept you. Because I feel like a lot of us that came from that traumatic background, we don't really do family, and we do cut ourselves off from those kinds of connections a lot of times. And the way you see her kind of opening up to the family and the way she's building the relationships, it was nice. It gave me hope when I had to meet some of my neurotypical partners, family, that maybe I could do this. Maybe I wouldn't just be ostracized. Maybe I would have a little bit of love and connection.
IVY
61:52
This movie is actually probably my favorite romantic comedy of all time. I will always love this movie. Maybe some people think it's a typical romantic comedy. I don't really, I feel like it's so much more than a romantic comedy, in part because what I was talking about it, it's not just a romantic love story between two people, it is a love story in a much bigger way. She develops these close connections with an entire family, and that's not something that she's ever had before.
Kind of her backstory is she did have a wonderful relationship with her father. He was a single father, and she didn't have any other family. And then her dad passed away. And so since then she's been very lonely. She is a very introverted person, doesn't seem to have a whole lot of friends or connections. She has cats, but that's all that she has. And so she spends a lot of her time kind of in this fantasy world of, you know, seeing other people's connections because she is a transit worker and she accepts payments for people, for their tickets. And so she sees all day long people interacting with each other and couples getting to see each other after a long time or families reuniting. And so she sees all of these things, but she feels so cut off from it and in a sense, quite literally, because she's behind glass in her little pay booth. But she's always longing for that. She's always longing for connection. Yes, she wants romantic love. She wants her love story. But she also just misses having a deep, meaningful connection to somebody since her father passed away.
And I really connected with this story because I also am extremely introverted, and there have been portions of my life where I did feel extremely lonely. And even though my father did not die when I was very little, I was extremely close to him and then a lot of trauma happened, and I no longer have a relationship with him. But that in and of itself was almost like processing a loss very similar to grief. I do feel like I lost my father. And so this movie I really connected to, because I related to her so much.
I have spent most of my life kind of in this fantasy world, longing for these connections that I never really felt that I could actually have. And this movie always gave me so much hope because she does just get so embraced by everybody in this family, even when, you know, the chips fall and everybody finds out that she's not the fiancé and that she's actually in love now with the other brother or whatever. Like everybody still accepts her because they've come to love her as a person and she loves them. She loves all of them.
And so finding those that connection to an entire family that is, you know, I talk a lot of shit about families, and a lot of times I don't really want that family connection because I don't know what that actually looks like. And at this point in my life, I feel like I probably never really will. But there is still a part of me that does long for that, that does wish for that. I found my romantic love story and that's wonderful and amazing. But there is still that part of me that does kind of wish that I could have that sort of family connection and just be part of a home that is just love.
I have Autumn and I'm very thankful for that, but I don't think we'll ever have that big family unit. And even though I've made peace with that, there is part of me that will still probably always long, just a little bit for that concept of family. And I love this movie because even though I doubt I'll ever have that full experience. I can kind of live through it vicariously. I can kind of get my happy ending in that way, and be grateful for my own versions of happy endings that I do have in my life.
AUTUMN
65:44
I also do some vicarious living through that movie. I also think, though, that this movie in particular, one of the things I liked about it was you kind of saw her come out of the shell. Because, yes, the family wanted to accept her and adopt her and bring her in and support her. But there was also a point at which she could have chosen not, to which she could have shut herself off or refused to participate. But she didn't. She let herself open up and reach for that potential of connection, even though that was scary, even though that was painful for her. And I think that's one of the messages I really liked about that movie as well, was that idea of just stepping a little bit past your comfort zone. And when people do offer you that hand of connection, maybe being willing to open up a little bit and accept it because you don't know what it's going to be like. Maybe it could turn out good. You never know.
IVY
66:34
One more message from the from the movie While You Were Sleeping that I think is also important, and this one I very much relate to and has definitely been a huge part of my life, is that idea that sometimes life throws you some really fucking crazy curveballs, and they're terrifying and they're intimidating, and they can feel like it's going to turn just so bad. It's going to be really awful. Or it feels really awful in the moment. But often those curveballs that life throws, you can actually put you in a really good place. And I take that message to heart from this, and I always try to keep that in the back of my mind.
Because so often when life has thrown me a curveball and I think things are going to be so bad and the situation looks so dire or so scary, ultimately, those situations have almost always led me to an even better place than I was in before. And so I really enjoy that part of the message of this movie is that even though she's thrown into this situation that could go so awry and look so bad, she still gets benefit from it. In the end things do turn out. And sometimes the universe or God or whatever you want to call it does throw you these random curveballs. Sometimes they're genuinely for your benefit. You just can't see it yet.
AUTUMN
67:57
All right. So let's go ahead and move on to the very last recommendation we have on our list. And now I will say that this is a more traditional Christmas movie. And a lot of people have probably heard of it. And that is It's a Wonderful Life. And this came out back in the 40s. So it is - it's pretty old to say the least. And it is a very traditional Christmas movie that gets played again and again. And I know a lot of people want to groan about this. And back in my younger days, I did too. But I kind of think this movie was a little bit ahead of its time because it does deal with some of the heavier concepts, such as self-loathing and feeling like a failure and even suicide. I feel like It's a Wonderful Life is a lot more complex than most people give it credit for. So let me go ahead and read the synopsis:
“George Bailey has so many problems. He's thinking about ending it all, and it's Christmas time. As George is about to jump from a bridge, he ends up rescuing his guardian angel, Clarence, who then shows George what his town would have looked like if it hadn't been for all his good deeds over the years. “
And yes, this is purely feel good movie. It really is. This is the whole point of the movie coming out of the 40s. But that's part of why I like it, because it's feel good with intense concepts. So if you haven't seen the movie: He's just ready to be done. He feels like his whole life has been useless. His whole life has been pointless. Everybody would be better off without him. And for those of us that have a hard time this time of year, those are some thoughts we've had ourselves.
That's one of the reasons I like this movie, is because the Guardian angel does come along, and he shows all of these little things that George did along the way, things that he didn't remember, things that he didn't think about, things that he didn't think were important. But he pointed out that if he hadn't been there, how different everybody's lives would be and how much sadder they would be. Or in some cases they wouldn't be at all, because the main character had literally saved those people's lives in some way.
And so even though this movie is a traditional Christmas movie, I do think it still has its place for those of us that do deal with some serious mental health struggles who are neurodivergent, who come from that trauma background, because I feel like a lot of us can relate to feeling like failures or wanting to end it all. And it does get you thinking about the little tiny things you may have done that influence people in a positive way and maybe makes you think - maybe I'm not such a failure after all. Maybe I do have a little bit of worth. Maybe I can just keep trying to move through and see if I can find a little hope on the other end of this holiday season.
IVY
70:40
This is actually always been one of my favorite holiday movies, and people tend to love it or hate it. And it is actually pretty long, especially for back then. But along with all of the themes that Autumn is talking about, I remember distinctly as well that one of the running themes throughout the movie is that he always wants to travel. He always wanted to travel to explore the world. He'd wanted to do that since he was a little kid. And consistently over the years, things would come up and he wouldn't be able to do that because he was looking out for other people. Because at base he wanted to do good for everyone around him, and his heart was bigger than his dreams were. And so he stuck around this town and he gave everything that he could of himself.
And I think that is very relatable to a lot of neurodivergent people and a lot of people who have been through significant trauma and abuse, that we do tend to have very soft hearts, and we do tend to have a lot of unfulfilled dreams for one reason or another.
And one of the things that I love about this movie and always have, is that even though that is a running theme throughout, is that he never gets to follow through on his dreams because life gets in the way, and because he just wants so much to make life better for the people around him as well. In the end, not only does he get to see throughout the movie because his guardian angel is showing him what life would have been like for all of those people without him. Ultimately, by the end of the movie, what he also gets is a direct thank you, as it were, from all of these people that he's helped in this town, because they all come together to save him from this dark space that he is in, to help him and his time of need, the way that he helped them. And so I really love that.
Not only does he get to see through his guardian angel what life would have been like for those people without him, he also gets to see for himself. There are so many people whose lives he has touched. And that even though he gave up on so many of his own dreams and his aspirations, there are so many people who love him that he did not even know how valuable he was to those people. It's not just that their lives would have been different without him, it's that they also know how different their lives would have been without him. And they are so grateful not only for the things that he has done for them, but for the connection that he has with them and the love that he has in his heart for everybody in that town.
And to me, that is the biggest takeaway, is because life often does not go the way that we expect it to, and so many of our plans and dreams fall to the wayside because circumstances get in the way, or because we value the connections that we have with others more than we value the dreams we build for ourselves. And to see so clearly this example of someone who has given so much of themselves to people around them, at his own expense, to see that actually come to fruition in a way where he gets to experience all of that love in return. He gets to experience all of that love that he gave out. He gets to it to experience it tenfold.
And what I try to remember when I am struggling, and I hope that all of you remember when you are struggling too, is that you are only seeing this tiny little part of reality. You're only seeing the world as you know it with your blinders on. And those blinders are not only the daily grind, those blinders are also the insecurities we have, the negative messages that we tell ourselves, our history of trauma, our history of abuse, our neurodivergence, things that make us feel like we are outcast and that nobody loves us. Those are our blinders. And if we take our blinders off, we are actually surrounded by people whose lives we touched and love us. If we only allow them in and don't insist on always being the one to give and give and give and never receive.
AUTUMN
74:48
And that is another reason I like that movie as well, is that idea of balancing that giving and receiving relationship. And I talked about that a little bit in our previous episode here on the podcast, was that idea that we do focus so much on what we can give, and we get told we're bad or selfish if we receive, but we're not. It's just equitable. It's just love. Giving and receiving are all part of love.
And so we hope that you have found something on our media recommendation list that maybe vibes with you this holiday season. That will help you deal with the heavier emotions that come from this time of year, and help get you safely to the other side of this somewhat stressful holiday season. If you know of any other holiday media, books, movie, music, whatever that we did not list today that you would like to throw out there and make us aware of, we would love to hear about it. Ivy, would you mind giving them our connecty bits so that they could do so?
IVY
75:47
I sure will. You can find us at our website. Somewhat differentfunctional.com. There is a contact form on there if you want to shoot us a message on that. You can find us on social media. We are on Facebook is Different Functional. We're on Instagram and TikTok Different_Functional. You can send us a DM or comment on any of our posts. You could email us if you want to at differentfunctional@gmail.com. And we are on Patreon as Different Functional. If you'd like to support podcasts, we have lots of good bonus goodies on there, and I think that's all ways to contact us.
And also, one more note, as I always beg, we would love it if you would leave us a rating, a review. Let people know that we are out there. Let people know that you like listening to the podcast. Because you must like listening to it if you've made it this far in. So please let others know about us. Word of mouth is still one of the fastest ways for us to spread. And if you don't mind sharing some of our posts on social media, that would also be great and wonderful. And we would be also appreciative, as we are always appreciative of every little bit of support that you guys show us.
AUTUMN
77:03
We are definitely very appreciative, and we definitely want to also wish all of you a Happy Hanukkah, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Pleasant Bobbly Spriggins, whatever you celebrate this time of year, we hope you are having a safe one, a healthy one, hopefully a happy one.
As always, remember different does not mean defective
